My mother and father are from the same country but could not be more different. The are from Trinidad in the West Indies which is a multi-cultural country that is dominated by two primary cultures: blacks and the indians. I am the product of an inter-marriage and am of Afro- Indo descent, what is call Dougla in Trinidad- it is pronouced DOE-GLAH.
Within my family there is a huge difference in culture. Each side thinks, acts, and behaves very differently from the other and I am somewhere in between that culture with other added dimensions of culture in the mix.I don't have the endearing Trini accent that my parents still do, I cannot eat the copious amounts of pepper sauce that my mom does, I am not partial to calypso or soca music and I'm a lot more integrated than many of my family members (my group of close friends is extremely multi-cultural hailing from all ends of the globe- and I love it that way). I was born in Montreal and have only actually been to Trinidad 3 times in my life, for two of the 3 times. So why is it that when I am asked my background and say that I am Canadian : it doesn't seem to suffice?
WHO AM I?
Though I am bi-racial, it's not obvious by my appearance and I grew up in a black community and have always considered myself a black person. The Indian side of my family did not accept my dad and never had a relationship with myself or my sister. On the other hand, I have always been welcomed with loving open arms into the black community as a result I strongly identify myself to that group. The experience of racism and rejection within my own family and the world has greatly shaped my culture, fascinations and sense of belonging..but it of course is not that simple, I'm so much more than that still...
Yes, I am Canadian, Trinidadian and Black but that still doesn't even come close to explaining my culture on a whole or providing a definitive answer to the question :WHO AM I?
Being black is complex on more levels that I can even begin to touch upon within the realm of this journal, but I can start by saying that it entails a deep knowledge and understanding of the plight of my ancestors and it's ever present aftermath. When I talk about plight, I encompass slavery, segration, Jim Crow, racism, legal lynching (which is still happening), and the immense mental slavery that came along with it (for starters). For women a history of rape, self -hate, feeling inferior and unattractive is rampant. So here is another part of who I am a WOMAN, I purposely did not put black before the word woman because I am deeply empathetic to the struggles of all women and children. I've been called a feminist by many, I do not know if I am educated enough on global womens issues and rights to wear that title but I do embrace a feminist spirit...it's another huge part of who I am but still that doesn't capture all of who I am.
I'm a spiritual being having a human experience! Of all of my cultural identities, this is probably the one that I feel that I fit best into. It's raceless, genderless and cultureless. It's groups us all as ONE, instead of creating a divide, which perhaps some of the other labels of culture that I have can do. This is my strongest belief of who I am. It's made me the odd ball out in every single group that I adhere to. I do not beleive that we all belong to ONE group of anything and I do not believe in divides. I think that a sense of belonging to a comunnity is fantastic but that being a fanatic is not. Yes I am Afrocentik, I know and understand the history , news and issues of blacks extremely well and have so much love for my community BUT I have also debated with many within my community who do not believe in interracial relatinships or hold staunch views on homosexuality. Though I can debate the feminist agenda passionately, I will not join in man bashing (though it can be so easy to do so at times..lol). My family is Trinidian and all married to other Trinidadians and listen to traditional music from Trinidad butI 've broken the mold by committing my life to someone who isn't a Trini. This is a huge scandal for some in my community but just normal life for me. So you see, I'm a cultural odd ball. I have love for the in group and the out group because at the end of the day- we are all part of a large culture and one gaint in group! I think that's key to remember. I reject being put into boxes and get to sample the best of all worlds by being multi-racial and multi-cultural.
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