I can speak for myself as the child of two West Indian- Caribbean parents that listening and absorbing information does seem to be much more prized than speaking up. Speaking up is often seen as being "full of yourself" in many scenarios. It is often said within my culture that the one who speaks the most and the loudest usually has the least to say. I have realized that this way of being is counter productive in university classrooms at Concordia but it's a very hard habit to break.
As a student of psychology I have been doing what many do- study themselves! I have also been observing others quite a lot. This may not be a good idea but it's kind of inevitable. I realized that there is another huge element to the cultural norms that may cause some people to speak out less and it's huge- it's stereotype threat.
I have a pretty high amount of public speaking anxiety myself (which is odd because I'm not really shy). I'm also extremely self conscious especially about NOT perpetuating the stereotypes of my community: such as the angry black woman or "ghetto" hood rat type. You know the "angry black woman stereotype": you see her on TV and in movies...she swerves her head and puts her hand up and will tell anyone off at the drop of a dime, yeah...I hate that stereotype and it's incredibly rampant!. Many many times I have been calmly expressing myself and have had other people begin to swerve their heads and snap their fingers and begin speaking in Ebonics in a mocking manner- which is so annoying.
This has been the story of my life, because I actually did grow up in what some would call a ghetto and there has been a certain expectation put on me about how I should talk, act, dress and who I should date. I have consciously done exactly what was NOT expected of a Little Burgundy Girl and absolutely hate all stereotypes that pigeon hole people. The burden of stereotype threat is really real! I didn't really know what that deep anxiety was or how to name it but it truly is a feeling of NOT wanting to look dumb, uneducated, ghetto or in my case like the angry black woman....it does cause my heart to race and an irrationally large amount of fear to be felt. I just want to be seen as everyone else is and not as my race first, though it is who I am...it's not all of who I am. You'd be surprised how many times, I've had people stop me in mid sentence to ask me... "where are you am from?" instead of listening to what I had to say. It sucks.
I have also been accused of being a hyper sensitive angry black woman many many times because I am sensitive to a lot of issues that are not within the consciousness or life experiences of many, such as more subtle forms of discrimination, sexism, racism and homophobia. I do speak out quite a lot and am very opinionated outside of the classroom atmosphere but have never felt comfortable doing it amongst my classmates of which I feel I have VERY different views and experiences. An example is after viewing the short film at the museum...everyone that I spoke to enjoyed it and so I didn't bother to explain why I hated it. I just journalled about it instead. See here is the problem for me: I'm sensitive to discrimination and ignorance- especially when it has to do with race, gender or sexual orientation BUT at the same time I'm not obsessed it with- what's beneath people is much more important to me, so I let a lot side when it's not malicious. On top of all of that, I'm very sensitive -empathic (not empathetic but that too) as to how others feel and often mute myself to not make others uncomfortable by my own intensity. Yup I feel much more complicated than many...and that I think too much but that's just me :)
Here's a couple real life examples in which stereotype threat kept me from expressing my thoughts in class: In an oral presentation given by a lady in our class, she closed by mentioning the Trayvon Martin trial. She said that for black people, it could have been a son, brother or nephew but that for white people, it was a case of a boy doing something that he wasn't suppose to be doing. In that moment- I was quietly livid and very disenchanted by that thought, which is why I didn't say anything...I don't want to be perceived as an angry black woman nor seemingly attack someone who simply doesn't know how emotionally charged that statement was.
What did Trayvon do wrong? What did a 17 year old boy who was walking back from the corner store after buying a pack of Skittles (unarmed) do to deserve being gunned down? A good kid, stellar student with no gang affiliations, history of violence/trouble making- who was killed by someone who thought he looked suspicious!!!!! What he did wrong was be in a predominately white neighbourhood- in a gated community as a black youth....he actually didn't do anything wrong. He did try to defend himself when he noticed that a man with a gun (who he thought was a sex offender) was following him and closing in- he had the right to defend and protect himself as per the Stand Your Ground Florida Law...isn't that the reason that Zimmerman got off? Or did Zimmerman get off because his father is a retired judge and has actually gotten his son out of 3 arrests already??? Yeah, though this would have been a great discussion, it would have been a very long one and maybe a very one sided one as well, seeing as perhaps less than a handful of students actually knew the Trayvon Martin trial as well as I did and were as emotionally invested as I am.
I refuse to believe that the "white perspective" is that Travyon did something wrong. Justice is justice and I know many white people who are just as disgusted as I am by this tragedy. Though I know that it's sadly true for some- hence the support of the obviously unjust verdict....I still can't accept that most white people think that way. A black friend of mine said to me- yes she is right- that is the white perspective and you are upset because you are in the black experience of it, you see Trayvon, you see your brother, for most white people it's just another dead black youth. I pondered this for a long time but still can't accept it. I'm black and any unjust murder of any one especially a youth hurts me and I know that I am not alone in feeling this way. We are not that deeply divided (or I hope not).
The comments and questions that I make in my mind are often emotionally charged and controversial- almost never politically correct and I know for a fact that very few would understand where I am coming from. My life has been very rich in experience, some awful and some great but all educational...and for that I am grateful. I am also very interested and well read in black history which always makes me the annoying person at parties that can correct people and explain things in detail- how charming NOT..lol..!!! I've actually been asked to NOT correct people and so I have learned to silence myself. Trayvon Martin is like the old murder case of Emit Till.The Zimmerman verdict is so painful especially within my community because it's reminiscent of the Jim Crow era when no white man was ever guilty for murdering any black person, it hurts and it's scary. Is covert racism becoming more overt? I think so, I think that it has been since 911 and all of he anti- Muslim hate.
Another time a girl spoke about how Ghanian's view friendship was more distrusting than Europeans and I thought about the slave trade and how being invaded, stolen and forced into slavery may play a role. Also, Africans participated in selling other Africans in order to save themselves- which is still a reason for the rampant distrust amongst Africans- play a huge role as well...but she looked so innocent and nervous and I didn't want to make her feel that she had made a faux pas.
I also cringed when a student mentioned how surprised she was that Japanese students did not acculturate in China with ease and vice versa...it surprised her because of how similar they seem BUT this is not the case. Chinese and Japanese are very different, from different cultures, different governments, speak different languages and have also had a very treacherous violent bloody war history.
In all of these cases, I saw people who had worked hard to prepare presentations for us and who were nervous and I didn't want to be THAT PERSON!!!! That person who stirs the pot and makes people feel uncomfortable.
I'm happy to be THAT PERSON among my friends and family but not so much in class. I'm 34 and most of them are 24 for one and I'm also as I mentioned hyper sensitive when it comes to culture. I do absorb it all like a sponge and I'm loving being a part, though a quiet part of a great synergy!!!! Expressing myself within the capacity of a journal- now that is right up my alley. I feel safe here and I thank you for this opportunity!
I found a great article called :Thin Ice: Stereotype Threat and Black College Students by Claude M. Steele...a very interesting read.
(Footnote: I'm unable to upload articles and videos for some reason on this blog)
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