Last summer one of my best friends died at the tender age of 33 and it's really tough sometimes. Marvin Anthony Williams and I went way back, we met as teenagers working in Trails End Camp and instantly hit it off. We became a group of four close friends who would remain close for a very long time.
Marvin was the absolutely funniest and I mean FUNNIEST person that I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I have never shared as many laughs, had as many deep conversations, sang and danced as much with anyone as I did with him. He was also a fantastic cook who spoiled me rotten on many occasions with his super rich lasagna and his killer fried chicken...I can taste it now! We were roommates for years, yes we had our ups and downs BUT we loved each other like family....we were family!
He was BRAVE! Marvin was two things that tend to clash painfully, he was gay and black. Our community can be quite homophobic and it was not until our mid 20's that Marvin finally came out (though I had secretly known since we were teens). It was then that his already crazy life got turned upside down. Almost all of his friends turned on him. As a foster kid who spend his entire life trying to find his birth parents, he already had some serious abandonment issues and all of the wounds that went along with it. He also had an addictive personality since we were teens and it only got worse as the ugliness of homophobia exposed itself. He became immersed in an underground gay culture that entailed LOTS of drugs, sex and partying and I lost him. He lost himself.
I came home one day and found him smoking crack on my sofa and completely freaked out, I was LIVID. I'm sure that there was steam coming out of my ears!!!! I kicked him out and told him that if he didn't get clean that I couldn't watch him slowly destroy himself. He told me that I was overreacting and needed to relax, that he was only having fun and had it under control, but if you have ever known an addict you know that -that is the lie that they tell themselves before it all goes down hill fast. He tried to get clean but it never stuck and while he was using, he hurt, exploited and betrayed everyone that he loved. Including me. I cut ties with him, but would still get a random letter, phone call or msg through friend from him now and then. I told him that I forgave him for the horrible things that he did as an addict but needed him to get clean for us to be friends again. I had been burnt too many times, robberies, break ins etc.....I missed him a lot!
Fast forward in time and I hear that Marvin went to Vancouver and died alone on the street!!!! A drug overdose. I can't help but to think that if I was in his life that I would have been able to talk him out of going to Vancouver somehow....How could this be? The life of the party...die ALONE?
Worst, you were already cremated when I found out, I did not even get to see you one last time. this was not how it was supposed to end....dear Marv: I miss you everyday, no one gets our jokes, no one gets crazy silly with me anymore, no one speaks our private language, I have not laughed till I had a stomach ache in years, no one stays up all night having deep conversations and listening to music anymore with me- no one could ever replace you and hope that you will come and hang out with me in my dreams soon. Rest in Peace, BE FREE, my brother, my friend.
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